Boarding Schools with Strange Dress Codes
by CounterHegemonic
Summary: H.I.V.E fanfic with Alex Rider, Twilight They die , Harry Potter, and Charlie Bone crossovers There may be more. SPOILER ALERT! Constant spoilers from Escape Velocity and Dreadnought. PLEASE REVIEW and share any ideas
1. Chapter 1

H.I.V.E fanfic with Alex Rider, Twilight(They die), Harry Potter, and Charlie Bone crossovers(There may be more.) SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!!! Constant spoilers from Escape Velocity and Dreadnought(The third and forth books) which has only been published in the UK. My sister and I are that obsessed that we would order them. ShelbyxWing and OttoxLaura. Oh and OttoxHermionie(One sided) LucyxMalfoy and ManfredxLucy(We had to.) By the way, there is a random Softwire reference. I snuck that in there while my sister wasn't looking. She doesn't like Softwire. The Softwire reference is the 'pushing'. I thought that JT's and Otto's powers were too similar not to mention. I mean control over computers. I don't think there's any more Softwire references though. Unless I can add them without my sister noticing.

PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE REVIEW!!!!! I put this story on 37 days ago and still no reviews. Come on somebody be nice

I don't own anything. But my computer. And the city destruction button. Unless Otto really has one of them. I wouldn't be surprised. If he did. Wow. I just realized. That I was doing. A weird period thing. Like in HIVE. In the American publishing. Of the first two books. Yeah. I'm done now. I think.

Shroud

Nero: It's time to parachute into the city for your training exercise.

(Loud BOOM offstage. Otto is seen placing something into his pocket stealthily)

Otto: What city?

Nero: The city right- (looks down to see a debris field). Never mind.(Sternly) Otto.

Otto(innocently): What do you mean Nero?

Nero: That's Dr. Nero to you, Malpense. Now hand me the device.

Otto: What device?

Nero: The device that you are trying to slip into your pocket stealthily and obviously failing.

Otto: Oh, you mean that device. I thought you meant the other device.

Nero. What other device?Now hand me the device because I know you're trying to distract me so you can hide it.

Otto(dejectedly): Fine, here.(hands device over)

Nero: thank you, Mr. Malpense.(puts in chamber conveniently located in wall labeled Detonation Chamber)

Otto: I don't think you sh-

( BOOM)

Otto:do that

Raven: Apparently, all training cities have just blown up. Is this Otto's fault, as usual?

Nero:MALPENSE.

Otto: I'm trying to resist the urge to say "I told you so".

Nero: Since we've conveniently run out of all training locations, you get to complete your exercise in the wilderness.

All: WHAT!

Nero; you have your comrade to blame.

All(But Otto): Otto

Otto: Do I get an A for this? I mean I completely totaled the training sites before the exercise even began!

Nero: Yes, but that isn't the point of the exercise. So have fun!

(Everyone jumps out of the plane.)

(Otto and Laura land in a crumpled heap. Lucy lands perfectly then trips over the heap. Wing and Shelby execute perfect landings somehow avoiding the cluster of limbs.)

Shelby: Now we're all stuck here thanks to you, Otto.

Otto: Hey, I don't like it either. There's nothing for me to push into.

Lucy: What does 'push' mean? I know I'm new here but I haven't heard that term before.

Wing: I haven't either. What does it mean?

Laura: I don't know. Otto?

Otto: I'm not sure. It just sounds cool.

Shelby: What kinda name is Otto anyway?

Otto: Otto spelled backwards is Otto. Just like racecar.

Shelby: Otto rearranged is toot.

Otto: Hey!

Laura: On task here people. We've just been dumped in the middle of nowhere. What are we doing to do?

Lucy: I don't know but I'm sleepy. Let's find somewhere to sleep.

Laura: Aye.

Shelby: Ca rumba.

Wing: What was that about?

Shelby: Do you really want to know?

Otto: Do you know ay carumba means-

Shelby: We don't want to know Otto.

Lucy: Can we just find somewhere to sleep?

Wing: There has been a shack over there the entire time we've been talking.(Points to shack.)

Otto: You think we would have noticed that.

Lucy: Maybe if you weren't bickering so loud, you would have noticed.

Laura: Aye

Shelby: Carumba

Otto: You didn't notice it either.

(Walks into shack. Lays down. Otto pulls out a teddy bear and rips its head off.)

Otto(in response to their stares): It's for the laptop. (brings out a laptop. Starts typing.)

Laura: What are you doing?

"Young Danny Fenton, he was just fourteen

When his parents built a very strange machine

It was designed to view a world unseen.

He's gonna catch em all cause he's Danny Phantom"

Wing: What?

Lucy: Annoying little kid show.

Shelby: Why are you watching this crap?

Otto(sniffling): It makes me- it makes me feel better about my hair. I'm insecure about my appearance.

Shelby: Just get it dyed.

Otto: Scarring story about that. You don't want to walk around for two weeks with your hair pink. (Shudders)

(All hear a train. Run outside. See someone get down for the train.)

Do you believe in magic?

Of an --old wizard's-- soul

Dumbledore: Ah are you the Cullens?

Otto: Do I look like a vampire?

Dumbledore: Yes

Shelby(Fan girl look): The Cullen's are coming!?(Squeal)

Lucy(Murderously while holding up stake): The Cullens are coming.

Wing: What?

Otto(Seriously): You don't want to know.(Shudder.)

Shelby: I'm Team Emmett.

Dumbledore: (Squeals) I'm Team Jacob. We did have a werewolf in our employ. But Lupin went off to have multicolored werewolf babies with an Auror.

Laura: Team Vladimir Tod

All: What?

Laura: Never mind.

Dumbledore: Hey, you guys can all come to Hogwarts. All those students who haven't heard of Twilight get boring after a while.

Shelby: Let's go.

(Everyone gets on board)

Wing: Is anybody worried that we're getting on the train of a stranger? We are supposed to be Alpha stream.

Otto: I'm more worried that they're going to start talking about Twilight again.

Please review! I've gotten fourteen hits but no reviews. Please. I at least want to know whether you think its sucky and the worst thing on the planet or if you looked at the first line and closed it. Because all of my hits could be people who did that. Oh and if you think my story is so bad that I should be banned from the forums tell me. I don't care. But it would be completely awesome if you would tell me this "It must, to use a technical term, suck." It would be even awesomer if you knew what that was from and who said it.


	2. Chapter 2

Another chapter. I GOT ONE REVIEW!!!!! So yeah. Thank you Alice Wiggin and no, I didn't have to blackmail her. I just asked her. . .nicely, I think. No, jk. But I appreciate the review. I would give you a cookie but I gave all my cookies to Danny Phantom to stop him from getting mad at me for calling it lame. I'M SORRY, DANNY!!!!!! Aw, crap, he's got a ghost ray. For the record, I really don't think Danny Phantom is lame. I used to watch the show when I was a kid. I just thought it was funny that they both have white hair. And Allen Walker. So now that I aimed the Fenton Thermos at Danny and he is now yelling at me from inside the thermos, I am safe and I can now start the chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the completely original character Volder M. Ort who does not bear any resemblance to any characters in the book Harry Potter nothing like Volder. . .I mean, He Who Must Not Be Named. Just off subject has anyone read the Training Manual for New Wizards, In that the bad guy is He Who Must Not Be Named Melvin. It was a hilarious book. Look it up. Just Kidding(About the original character part there really is that book and the evil wizard really is named that.)

Credits: I did take a joke from A Very Potter Musical. It's pretty obvious. So I give full credit to StarKid.

Oh and sorry about the slow part with the sorting hat. I had to go through that.

Dumbledore: So, which did you all like better, Twilight or New Moon?

(Otto groans)

(Wing blinks unknowingly)

Shelby:Twilight

Lucy: New Moon

Shelby: Huh? I thought you hated the AWESOME saga.

Lucy: I do, but New Moon made it easier to picture Edward dying.

(Dumbledore and Shelby gasp.)

Wing: There is someone waving to us on the side of the road.

Otto: Almost like he intended to be there.

Dumbledore: Let's stop and ask him which he likes better.

(Train stops. Dumbledore gets out.)

Hello, little boy. Are you going to Hogwarts?

Volder: Yes, I am. I was hoping that I could get a ride.

Dumbledore: Which do you like better, Twilight or New Moon?

Volder(Confused): Uhhh(guesses arbitrarily) New Moon.

Dumbledore: Ding, ding, ding, ding. We have a winner. Hop aboard little boy. By the way what's your name?

Volder( deep thought): Vold-, I mean Volder M. Ort

Dumbledore: Choo, choo

Volder(Whispers to Otto and Wing): What is the crazy old coot talking about?

(Franz boards the train)

Franz: I am not being sure.

Shelby: Go away, Fatso. (Shoves him out the door.)

Franz: AAAHHHHHH!!

Otto: Don't ask(shudders)

Volder: Why is the headmaster driving the train?

Dumbledore: I just wanted to take it for a joy ride.

Screen goes dark. Cast arrives at great hall then mixes with 1st years, harry potter, malfoy, ect.

Dumbledore: We will now sort the students. Hermione Granger

(Puts the sorting hat on.)

Sorting Hat: Gyriffendor.

(Loud applause)

Dumbledore: Patricia

Sorting Hat: Hufflepuff

(No applause)

Cedric(Stands up): Hufflepuffs find things.

Lucy: What in the world is a Hufflepuff?

Dumbledore: Ronald Weasley

Sorting Hat: Gryfindor

Shelby: What ugly hair? I mean that can't be natural.

Dumbledore: Draco Malfoy

Sorting Hat: Slytherin

Dumbledore: Oh to heck with it. (Turns on a projector.) Read your own name.

Harry: Okay, I guess its my turn next.

Otto: Why is he talking to himself?

(Puts the sorting hat on his head.)

Harry: Anything but Slytherin. Anything but Slytherin.

Laura: He's still talking to himself.

Sorting Hat: Gyriffindor.

(Otto goes up and put on the sorting hat.)

Sorting Hat(Almost immediately): Slytherin

(Wing)

Sorting Hat(Pauses): Gryfindor.

Otto: I always knew he had values.

(Shelby)

Sorting Hat: Slytherin

(Laura)

Sorting Hat(Pauses): Ravenclaw

(Lucy)

Sorting Hat: Slytherin. Anyone who likes to talk in italics is Slytherin.

(Volder)

Sorting Hat(Almost immediately): Slytherin. Another italics kid.

Sorting Hat: Now, I have an announcement of a mistake from last year. I drank to much Butterbeer with a sombrero that I met on my vacation to Mexico last summer and I made a mistake and put the Weasly twins in Gryffindor.

Ron: I knew it!

Harry: That they were Slytherin or that the Sorting Hat was drunk.

Sorting Hat: They are now being put in Slytherin. See you next year, losers!

Otto: So apparently Slytherin are the bad guys. Why did I need a magical hat to tell me what I already knew?

(Students disperse as the group leaves the hall they hear a shout.)

Anonymous: What is a Hufflepuff anyway?

Cedric: FIND


	3. Chapter 3

Third Chapter. YAY!!! So in this chapter, we see the Cullens for a short period well, that is until they die. Sorry all you Twilight fangirls. JUST DON'T KILL ME!

I own nothing, and that will never change.

Slytherin Domitory(Common Room)

Anonymous: There's a Quidditich game tomorrow.

Lucy: What's Quidditch?

Malfoy: Quiditch is a game wher e you fly aruond on a broomstick and try to get various enchanted balls through hoops. If the seeker, (bragging, trying to impress)that's me, catches the incredibly fast Snitch, their team wins the game( random slytherin colored confetti)

Otto: Can there be robots?

Malfoy: What's a robot?

Otto(Pretends to be talking to a little boy): Robots are machines that DO things FOR you.

Malfoy: What's a mach- (Trying to regain his cool)I mean, of course I knew that

Otto: Whatever. Anyway, if we replace the players on our team with robots, we can win.

Lucy: That's a good idea.

Volder: Yes, if we can defeat Potter in a Quidditch match, I will finally my arch nemesis, Harry Potter.

Lucy and Shelby: Who is this Potter kid anyway?

Malfoy: The most annoying kid on the face of the face of the earth.

Volder: My arch- nemesis

Otto: I'm going to build my team of robots, 'night

(Exits)

Lucy and Shelby: 'Night

Malfoy(Blurts): Seeing as I won't be playing because your little friend(Hears snicker from offstage) there is building a team of robots-- whatever that is-- to replace me. Lucy, do you want to go to the match with me.(Hears outburst of laughter from offstage.)

Lucy(Surprised): Um, Sure.

(Lucy and Shelby exit)

In the Slytherin Girl's Dormitory

Shelby: I still say that you only get all the guys because you have mind control powers.

Lucy: You're just jealous because no one asked you.

Shelby: There's no one I want to ask me.

Lucy: What about Wing?

(PILLOW FIGHT!!)

On the Way to the Quidditch Match.

(Entire cast of children)

(Edward, Alice, and Jasper step from the shadows.)

Shelby: Where's Emmett?

Lucy: _Stop! Now light a fire. (_Gives them all stakes) _Cut yourselves in pieces and burn yourselves._

(Raven steps from the shadows and pulls the curtains)

Raven: As much as you sissies need a good taste of gore, we can't show the following scene. As much as we all want to see the death of Edward, you can't so enjoy the rest of the play.

(Otto steps outside the curtain)

Otto: Why are you stalking us?

Raven: I prefer not to call it stalking, what about protecting?

Otto: Are you protecting us or are you protecting the world from us?

Raven: Both but more of the second. I have to make sure you don't blow up Hogwarts.

Otto: Hey!

Wing: It's true.

(Curtain opens, Scorch mark on grass)

Lucy:(giggle) Let's go to the Quidditch match now. (Grabs his hands and leads him off. Everyone follows.)

Dumbledore: Who left these scorch marks. Janitor(Claps twice) Clean up these scorch marks.

At the Game

(Everyone is cheering. Otto is playing on a game console.)

Lucy: Whatcha doing?

Otto: Are you trying to imitate the girl from that stupid TV show?

Lucy: No, I'm really wondering. What are you doing?

Otto: I'm controlling the robots.

Lucy: With a DS?

Otto: It was the only thing I had. Sheesh.

Lucy: Is that another one of the gadgets that you rip from the innards of teddy bears?

Otto: Will you guys give me a break about that? It was the only way I could smuggle my stuff through.

Dumbledore: The game is over. Slytherin won 4960 to 2.

(Otto pushes the victory dance button on his robots)

Will that one student that looks very unfamiliar to me cease his victory dance?

(Otto pushes the self destruct button. BOOM!)

Never mind. It's just another robotic student.

You are all released. Enjoy your classes tomorrow.

Otto: Not if I have anything to say about it.


End file.
